Ottawa Senators Stanley Cup Victory Parade

Ottawa Senators Stanley Cup Parade

(Inspired by Diakos’ much less plausible ‘Leafs Cup Parade’)

Bite me, you inbred, over-excitable Leafs fans – especially you Diakos. When the Sens win the cup (which will be before the leafs do next, doesn’t matter when as any time is before never) you’ll be the second one I call to ask “Y u mad??” Dundas Square downtown shall be filled with screaming, joyful Sens fans chanting “Go Sens Go!” as all the leafs fans slink away in silent. They’re obnoxiously loud after a win (Makes sense, after all, the big W is quite rare for them) but after a loss, you’d think they’re nonexistent! So sad… 

We will roar as whoever is our captain at the time (let’s be honest, Alfie will be retired and his number shall be retired by the Sens too if they know what’s good for them) hoists the great Stanley Cup over his head after a victory over whatever opponent had the misfortune of facing the Sens in the finals. First stop in our victory parade? Why, Toronto of course! For the entire purpose of mockery, we shall take a helicopter ride with the cup around the CN Tower and then stop by the Toronto islands to polish it and give it a tan on them beaches. After a quick stop at the ACC for some jokes and eating fries from the legendary bowl (and Burkie’s Dogs too), we’ll depart for the west. Winnipeg will for the first time see the glint of sunlight on Lord Stanley and be green with envy. A brief visit to Edmonton has us asking Eberle to join the Sens, following by a stampede through Calgary, who by this time shall be the worst team in the league as they have no prospects. Then it’s straight on to Vancouver, who upon seeing the cup in the hands of another team, decides to riot again. This time their entire city burns down, making the Stanley Cup the most powerful weapon of mass destruction ever unleashed upon Canadian soil. Escaping the blaze, we travel down the western United States, asking the San Jose sharks why they’re so mad before realizing they don’t have a cup. The we visit every US NHL city in turn. Not Columbus though, the Blue Jackets have since folded and Rick Nash plays for the Blackhawks. Second last stop – Montreal! The Habs fans whine, complain, scream (all of which is in French so we don’t understand it) and then they stuff themselves with poutine in depression. Final stop? Ottawa of course! Go Sens Go!

Poetry Anthology Excerpt

Here you go Ms Cat :D If anyone reads this and kind find both the little tricks I out in here, you get a cookie. I'm serious, I will actually give you a cookie, quote me on that. This was part of my Anthology which was a narrative detailing the experience of a man becoming a God and his internal battle between omniscience and individuality. It ends with him wondering whether it was a true experience or a dream.

A

Boundless force

Careens through the

Dark cosmos, unseen but

Ever present, tossing aside the

Frail suns, solar systems – all the

Galaxies have to offer bow before it,

Holes in the night sky are left in

Its wake and droplets of its existence filter downwards

Jugulating the fabric of all time and space, its essence

Kept alive in the societies of the vast universe, worshipping it

Like the God they interpret it as, but while they praise it,

Malleable minds of their own cannot grasp the true nature of the entity

Not a literal God as thought by lesser organisms but one whose very existence

Orchestrates a warp in the very substance of reality around it, simply impossible to even

Perceive inside the confines of a limited organic mind, it swirls across the vastness of space

Questions it asks to itself only to have the answers will themselves into existence for it, omniscient,

Ready to put its knowledge to work and once again return to the place it once called home

Silently it enters a familiar galaxy, an invisible shadow brushing aside the nebulae which stand in its way, becoming

Torrential as the ninth planet of Sol presents itself, an infinitesimal object orbiting one just as insignificant when facing the

Unending omnipotence of the great entity which not long ago transcended chains of an existence confined to the laws of matter

Violent impacts surround it as it moves through the asteroid field, but the awesome power of the cosmic collisions pale to it

Whirling past the fourth solar body, the red gleam observed in a fraction of a second, time is non-linear now and the entity

Xeroxes all events from all points in time, the simplest details are saved forever in the infinite mind of the void that comprises it

Yesterday the entity arriving at the third planet in this solar system was simply a another human, and as it gazes upon Earth, a presence

Zealously tugs at its infinite min; the previous human mind returns at the sight of its home and formulates a single word for the entity: me.   

My second journal story (Parts 1 to 4)

In the interest of keeping things clean, this post contains what 4 blog entries. They're could have been seperate but I'm not gonna do that.

Captain Stelsan took his eyes off of the wharf and turned, looking down to face the assembled grouped of rag-tag outlaws, vagabonds and journeymen below him on the ship’s deck. The calm waves gently bobbed the ship up and down. Despite their calm rhythm, one of Stelsen’s crewmen in the back couldn’t keep his balance and fell down. It was the mast man, he was drunk. That explained why the black flag on the mast was improperly tied. Stelsan chose to ignore both of these annoyances.

“Old Man Sea is below us.” Stelsan said. “He desires his offering.” The waves began to churn ever so slightly faster as Old Man Sea beat his fists ravenously… Or would have, had he possessed fists. “Who wishes to deliver him his sacrifice?”

All of his crew looked around, murmuring to each other, each too afraid to dare even step on the plank, let alone push the offering off. Not with Old Man Sea below them.

“Shall I select some ‘volunteers’ for the task?” Stelsan eyed his shivering crew.

Finally, a voice in the back called out to him, slurring his words. “I’ll do it!” The drunken mast man said.

Stelsan smiled. “You’re new on my ship, no? Consider this an initiation.” He motioned to other crew members. “Fetch the prisoner.”

Several crew members made for the lower decks. 

***

The drunkard fumbled around near the plank as other crew members shackled and secured the prisoner. Once they were done, they shoved him forward and the drunken man stepped onto the plank after him. They walked to the edge over the steadily angering waves.

Stelsan raised his hands to over the sea. “Old Man Sea! By the powered granted to me as Captain of the Charybdis, a most mighty vessel, I cast you an offering. I humbly request that in return for my eternal generosity I may be granted safety for my ship, my crew and I.

“Cast him away!”

The drunken man awkwardly shoved the prisoner off. The man fell but at the last possible second he twisted around and lassoed his chains around the drunken man’s arm, taking him along for the ride. The drunkard yelped in surprise and he was pulled down to the water.

Stelsan raised an eyebrow, but before he could do or say anything the water beneath him began to heave and churn violently.

***

The waves battered the ship, rocking it from side to side. Stelsan knew something was wrong. Old Man Sea usually stayed in the depths, out of sight to devour his offerings. He appeared only at the sunset to smite the foolish ships whose captains did not pay him their dues. Stelsan had only ever heard stories. This time, it looked like Stelsan would see Old Man Sea with his own eyes. 

As his crew milled about in fear, Stelsan watched, mesmerized, as Old Man Sea emerged from the depths. 

 The wings were first, black, membranous and menacing, following by the tail as it whipped up, causing a huge splash. Next the long sinewy arms pulled up its head – a thing without comparison. Its eyes were mounted on two bony protrusions jutting straight forward on either side of jaws which consisted of 4 mandibles, two upper and two below. The beast did not fully emerge: everything below the tentacles lining its lower back remained concealed. A massive creature, looking a hybrid of serpent and kraken, it gazed down upon the ship with ancient eyes. 

***

Old Man Sea looked upon the ship with old but unbelievably powerful eyes. With jaws easily large enough to swallow the Charybdis whole, the crew and indeed the vessel itself were insignificant when faced with the form of the ancient beast. 

“Old Man Sea!” Stelsan called bravely. “What calls you up from your place of respite to gaze upon such a simple man as I?”

“I do.” A voice said. 

Old Man Sea lifted a great tentacle out of the ocean. Perched on top of it was the prisoner Stelsan had just thrown in. Stelsan’s face contorted in puzzlement

.

“Old Man Sea is not without his superiors, Captain Stelsan.” The prisoner said. “He answers to me.”

The prisoner leapt mightily from the tentacle down to the ship, hitting with an audible thud. It was a fifty foot drop and he made with ease. Stelsan didn’t know what to think of that. He instinctively reached for his sword.

Continuation of journal story #1 (second part)

“I don’t need your counsel Jackson.” Stan hissed, becoming more and more annoyed with the other rangers’ presence. He needed to be alone. No matter, he already had a contingency plan in place.  

“Stan you can’t hide from your feelings!”

“I’m not hiding from my feelings!” Stan oozed. “I’m hiding my feelings from you. I don’t know why you expect me to open up to you just because you decided to take a hike with me!”

Jackson started. He looked hurt. Stan didn’t even pretend to care about the other man’s feelings. He just kept walking in silence. It stayed this way for a while before they arrived in a clearing. This time, Stan broke the silence.

“Want to know why you saw me walking, Jackson?”

Jackson looked puzzled. Stan motioned him forward and the other ranger took one step forward before pain ripped through him.